dying of a broken heart
by Nezu-the-brat
Summary: I was stupid, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing...  I was soo stupid. why, why did I tell him I loved him?  Rating may go up in chapie two...  Don't read if don't like..
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Dont own..never will**

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><p>It was stupid, he shouldn't have said it. It was a spur of a moment kind of thing.<p>

But it was the worst mistake of his life.

It had started off like any other day, and Allen had just came back from a filling lunch. Link had told him to head back to the room, so being the good boy he is. Allen obliged. What he didn't expect though, was running into the cold samurai.

" BaKanda." Allen murmured.. Kanda looked down. " Moyashi."

" It's Allen."

Again, a normal conversation. Not different from every other day.

But Allen did something stupid.

" Che, move Moyashi."

Allen glared, " You could have some manners BaKanda." he really hated how Kanda thought he was better then anyone else. It was so wrong.

" Hn, don't care, now move." Kanda said with a glare, that would make anyone else squirm.

Not Allen.

He stood his ground and folded his arms. " No. Not until you apologize."

Allen knew this wasn't what normally happened, normally Allen would roll his eye's and be on his marry way. But today, he wanted a straight answer from the Japanese boy.

Kanda glared, his hand hovering over his mugen.

Allen just stood their. " It's not that hard Kanda.."

" Shut up. "

" No."

"I said, shut the fuck up."

" And I say no. Watch your mouth."

" Are you fucking kidding me! I will not watch my fucking MOUTH!"

" Will you just apologize!"

" HELL NO!"

" WHY NOT!"

" SHUT UP!"

Allen couldn't stop the growl that came from his throat. What was his problem?

Kanda walked up, glaring. " Listen you good for nothing. I said move."

Allen didn't budge.

" Why the fuck do you care whether or not I apologize?"

Allen blinked, he didn't know how to answer that. Why did he care?

" Well?"

" B..Because..."

Kanda glared, " Answer you baka."

Allen didn't say anything.

" Why do you care if I say sorry? Whats it to you?"

Again nothing.

" What? Because no one should be that much of a bastard? Well?"

Nothing.

" Dammit just answer the goddamn quest-" " BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I CARE!"

Allen covered his mouth in shock. He didn't mean to say that. This was not good.

Kanda froze, and looked at him.

There was a moment of silence..

" You're pathetic. You sicken me."

Allen closed his eye's, and listened as his boots thudded down the Hall. Not wanting to stay there. Allen ran to his room, and closed the door, sliding down it.

" W... Why did I say that?" he murmured..

Why did he say that? It didn't make sense. He HATED Kanda. At least.. He thought he did. What was that old saying? There's a thin line between love and hate?

Allen pulled his knee's to his chest, and buried his face into his knee's. All he had to do was ignore Kanda, that wouldn't be to hard.. Right?

" D... Dammit..." Allen whispered, why did his chest hurt? Did he really mean what he said... But Kanda... He said he was pathetic... " I really... Am Pathetic... Aren't I? " he laughed bitterly, not noticing the tears running down his cheeks. " Hehe, I... Should just...Go away..."

From inside of him, the fourteenth frowned.

**_Allen... What are you saying?_**

_I.. I can't do it. This was the final straw.. How can I save everyone I care about... If the one I love, hates me?_

_**Allen-**_

_No... It's... Done.. I'm done._

Allen looked up at the ceiling... It hurt.

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><p>Weeks passed, and no one really saw Allen, he was at the cafeteria less, and when he was there, he was more paler then usual, and his eye's had circles under them. They also noticed the bandages on his hands, and the lost look in his eye's..<p>

Lenalee was worried, " I hope Allen is okay." she said, looking at the empty seat, from beside her, Lavi nodded. " Yeah, it's not like the little guy to miss dinner, or any meal... Do you think he's okay?"

Lenalee sighed, " I don't know, every time I go to his door, he's not there, and Komui said he's been on missions a lot. Allen practically demanded them. "

Lavi looked over to Kanda, who he know could hear them. " What about you Kanda? Any ideas?"

Said samurai just looked at his food, ignoring everyone..

It was true. The moyashi wasn't around much, if at all.

It's probably because of what happened...

_" BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I CARE!" _

_Kanda watched as Allen covered his mouth, shocked that he would say that. Kanda himself was frozen, not able to replay. And after a moment, he said something he thought would end the subject..._

_He was wrong, oh so wrong. _

_**" You're pathetic. You sicken me."**_

_As soon as those words left his mouth, he could see the pain and hurt in the Moyashi's eye's... _

_And also.._

_Something that scared Kanda. _

_That really worried him.._

_He saw..._

_emptiness in those endless steel gray eyes..._

Shaking his head, Kanda stood up, and walked out of the lunch room, not bothering to answer the Baka Usagi's question.

He walked down the hallway, until he heard something strange in the bathroom.

" I don't care anymore... Let me die.. Stupid fourteenth. LET ME DIE!"

CRASH!

Kanda froze, he knew that voice...

_Moyashi!_

Kanda ripped open the door and was shocked at the scene before him.

Allen was staring at the broken mirror, blood cascading down his pale arms, his face was void of all emotion. His eye's were dull, not the vibrent color he was used to. He looked so... Broken. Not the cheery happy seventeen year old boy he was used to seeing.

" Moyashi?"

Just a blank stare, nothing, no witty comeback, or small playful glare... Emptiness.

Kanda hated it.

He slowly walked over and sat on his knee's in front of the albino boy.

Allen just looked back, his eye's void...

" Kill me. Just kill me."

Kanda froze, " What?"

Without wavering his gaze, Allen coughed up some blood.  
>" I'm going to die anyway. Just make it quick.. I'm useless, pathetic. I can't do anything..."<p>

Kanda flinched at the words, they stung. But he was more worried about the blood. " How long have you been coughing blood?"

No answer...

" HOW LONG."

" Three weeks, four days, five hours, ten minutes, tweak three seconds."

Kanda narrowed his eye's, and sighed.

" Will you kill me now?"

" No."

Allen just blinked, before more blood came out, only this time, it didn't stop.

Kanda hurriedly picked up the way too light boy, and ran to Komui.

_Dammit, you better live Moyashi._

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><p><em>Beep. Beep. Beep.<em>

Komui looked down at the young albino sadly. Allen was such a sweet kid, he didn't have to go through all this.

Lenalee ran in. " ALLEN!", soon followed by Lavi.

She ran to his bed side, " Allen? Please wake up, we need you."

Lavi looked away, he didn't want to see the tears running down her face.. It hurt enough.

That was when he saw Kanda, sitting in the far corner of the room.

" Kanda brought Allen here." Komui said, everyone looked at him.

" Allen, he... He as tuberculoses. He's lungs are damaged, and I'm surprised he managed to live this long. It was probably because of his innocence. But, because Allen has been neglecting the nutrients his body needs, it caused him to show symptoms of the disease. It's a very slim chance he will make it."

Everyone looked down at the boy in question.

Lenalee felt as though she was loosing her brother.

Lavi was loosing one of his best friends.

And Kanda..

He was loosing so much more...

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><p>In four weeks, Allen made no sign of recovery.<p>

Kanda was at his wits end.

Every night he stayed in that room, and every night, he would talk to Allen.

Right now, he was staring at that pale face, wishing for him to open his eye's, the one's he found himself lost in. Even if it was against his will. Allen captivated him, ever since their first mission together.

_" Kanda, I want to be a destroyer, who saves people..."_

He was stupid, so stupid.

But Kanda was even stupider.

" Moyashi... Wake up." he mumbled, looking at Allen's face... " Just... Wake up.."

_Beep. Beep. Be-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep._

Kanda froze. " KOMUI!"

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><p>Everything was a blur, people running around, yelling. Kanda just stood their looking at the currently dead Allen...<p>

He took a step.

And then another.

Until he was in front of the Moyashi...

" Please, wake up _Allen.."_

.

.

.

.

.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

"...da..."

Everyone in the room stopped, no one moved, talked, breathed..

" Ka...n...da?"

Turning his head, he looked at Allen, whose eye's were slowly opening, steel gray met dark blue. And Kanda felt himself breath.

" Moyashi?"

Without hesitation, Kanda ran at him, and pulled him into a tight embrace.

" Don't _Ever _do that again. Ever..."

Blinking in surprise, Allen gasped. " Kanda?"

" Shut up... "

Allen closed his eye's and leaned into the embrace, smiling softly...

_Things are going to be...Okay..._

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><p><strong>YAY FLUFFY SAD one shot! love me hate me, whatever... Yeah, Allen is a little emo, but whateves... it works.. Poor Allen. <strong>

**Please R&R and Maybe I'll make a lemon ;P **

**Just request, and you shall, ( maybe) receive...**

**Love you all**

**Laters~  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

Allen walked down the halls of the Black Order deep in thought. Needless to say, when he came back to reality he was lost. Very lost.

"Damn it! I've already been past here four times! Where's my room?" Ruffling his hair in frustration, Allen growled in his throat as he looked around, trying to get the images of his day dream out of his head. Looking down at himself, Allen's cheeks flared pink as he noticed what his fantasizing had caused. Letting out a small 'Eep', the cursed teen closed his eyes, willing the uncomfortable tightness in his pants to disappear before someone saw him.

Ever since the he got let out of the hospital, he's been avoiding Kanda, but not like before, he was just too embarrassed. HE didn't know what to do, he knew he loved Kanda, but Kanda never actually said he loved him back. So they just kinda gravitated near each other, but never right next to.

Letting out a sigh, Allen opened his eyes. _'At least it's half way gone. Hope no one notices.'_ As the teen was about to take a step, he heard a deep chuckle behind him and spun around.

'_Oh shit. Not him! And oh god, he's got a sexy laugh.'_ Allen's cheeks turned from pink to a light shade of red as he felt his pants get tight again. Quickly turning around, he stared forward and spoke shakily.

"Wha-what do you want?"

Kanda chuckled again, not missing the slight shiver that ran through his comrade when he did.

"A little excited Moyashi? You know, if you keep fantasizing about me all the time, someone might notice."

Looking over his shoulder, Allen's blush deepened at the sexy smirk on Kanda's face.

'_Fuck. Stop blushing, stop blushing…'_

"Like I'd fantasize about a jerk like you, baKanda!"

Okay then lie, he does it all the time.. _**ALL**_ the time..

"Oh? Well then, mind telling me why you get an erection when I'm around and you think no one is paying attention?"

"Wha? I-I do not! Name one time!"

Dammit he noticed... BaKanda...

Kanda's smirk grew as Allen turned around, confirming his theory right away.

He knew the Moyashi was feeling different lately, he was finally hitting puppetry.. At 17 years old...

Yeah, a little late there Allen...

"Well, there's now for one" Kanda pointed down to Allen's pants, causing the young man to squeak and cover himself. "And then during Mass this morning when Lavi dragged you along and made you sit next to me, the training halls yesterday and in the baths right afterwards, and-"

"I was not-"

"Not what?" Kanda strode forward till he was standing so close he could lean forward and touch the shorter teens erection. He heard Allen's breath catch in his throat and become uneven. "Not trying to get caught?" Reaching out, the swordsman grabbed Allen's wrist and pulled, causing them to crash into each other, as his free arm wrapped around the shorter teen's slim waist.

Allen gasped in surprised as Kanda grabbed him, but it soon turned into a moan as their bodies pressed flush against each other. He knew he should have pushed away, protected his pride and not moaned, not pressed tighter against the man in front of him, but he just didn't care anymore. Pride be damned, he'd never felt so good and he was not about to stop!

"Ka-Kanda.."

Kanda bit back the moan that came to his throat as he felt Allen's arousal press against him. No, he wouldn't voice how good this felt, he had pride! He had-

"Oh fuck!" the samurai gasped.

He had a sexy Moyashi with an erection, rolling his hips against him. Feeling himself growing hard from Allen's actions, he tightened his grip around the other's waist. Kanda snapped his hips forward, eliciting a strangled gasp from both exorcists as their tempo increased.

"Oh god, Kanda…. Ah!" Allen pressed his face against Kanda's shoulder as he clung to him in a desperate attempt to satisfy the desire clouding his mind.

The older teen felt a shiver go down his spine at the sound of his first name. With a growl, he pinned Allen to him hard to still the thrusts that made him feel like he was flying.

"We shouldn't do this here, Moyashi. My room's right down the hall…"

Allen looked up, his face flushed and eyes clouded with lust and something else that Kanda couldn't quite place at the moment, but he had seen it before. Giving a small nod, he allowed himself to be led by the hand to Kanda's door and pulled into the room. Slamming the door behind them, Kanda pinned Allen against the door. Letting out a deep growl, he claimed the young teen's lips in a fierce kiss.

Kanda pulled back from the kiss with a smirk at the dazed expression on Allen's face. "Aren't you a dirty little Moyashi. How about I fuck you into this door till you scream and beg for more?"

Moaning, Allen wrapped his legs around Kanda's waist holding onto the taller man's shoulders as he rolled his hips. Kissing the cursed teen, Kanda cupped his ass and ground against him harshly, panting and moaning from the burning pleasure coursing through his body.

**-Meanwhile-**

Komui wandered down the halls pouting. Reever had just kicked him out of the labs for attempting to create another Komurin. Walking past the exorcist quarters, he stopped when he heard a muffled cry coming from one of the rooms.

'_That sounded like Allen… in Kanda's room? Shit! Don't tell me he finally snapped and is trying to kill him!'_ Grabbing the doorknob, Komui pushed on the door, only to have it not move. Fearing for the life of one of his exorcists, the madman rammed into the door, sending Kanda and Allen to the floor. Frozen in shock, Allen looked up from where he had landed straddling Kanda.

"K… Komui?"

Looking down, Komui saw Kanda sprawled on the floor flushed with a blushing Allen on his lap, a fresh bite mark on the boy's neck.

"Komui, get the fuck out now or I'll slice you in half with Mugen!" Glaring at the unlucky scientist who had interrupted them, Kanda grabbed Allen's hips and started grinding against him. Komui blushed bright red as Allen threw his head back in pleasure, a throaty moan escaping his lips. Quickly closing the door, he made his way back to the science department intending to work until he no longer had the energy to remember what he'd just seen.

Komui's interruption was soon forgotten as Kanda grabbed Allen's white hair and pulled harshly, bringing the boy's neck to his mouth to viciously bite him once more. Yanking the ribbon off Allen's neck, the swordsman admired the angry red line that was left there by his brutality. Gasping, Allen made quick work of Kanda's shirt, ripping off a few buttons in his haste.

"Nn, Please Kanda! Please! Fuck me !"

Allen was shocked he was saying this... He was innocent, and a gentlemen and a-

Growling, Kanda ripped off Allen's vest and shirt, raking his nails over the exposed flesh. Trembling in anticipation, Allen unfastened Kanda's pants before slipping his hand under the teen's boxers. Letting a moan pass his lips, Kanda fisted the cursed teen's hair and shoved Allen's face to his aching arousal.

"Moyashi… suck."

-Oh fuck it.

Obeying without a moment's hesitation, Allen slid Kanda's pants and boxers off and brought his lips to the now free erection. Taking Kanda deep into his mouth, he ran his tongue along the underside of the shaft sucking hard as he relax his throat. The older exorcist whimpered at the wet heat engulfing him, tightening his grip on the boy's hair as he snapped his hips upward. Groaning, Allen felt the heat building up in his stomach as he deep throated Kanda, lightly running his teeth along the heated flesh.

"Ah! A-Allen!" Kanda cried out as he pulled Allen's head back, releasing on his face. Wiping the white substance off his cheek, Allen popped his fingers in his mouth with a smirk at the apologetic look he was getting.

"You didn't have to pull away, Kanda." Kanda felt his control snap as he growled, never having been this turned on in his life. Slamming Allen to the floor, Kanda yanked his pants off and threw them across the room. Gripping Allen tightly, the samurai pushed his fingers into Allen's mouth as he moaned. Swirling and sucking on the fingers, the teen coated them in a slick layer of saliva as he was stroked. Withdrawing his hand, Kanda pressed his finger against Allen's entrance and gently pressed in. Throwing his head back and hitting the floor, Allen's mouth dropped open as a pain filled pleasure washed over him. Quickly adding another, Kanda thrust his fingers in earning a pleasured yelp.

"Damn it, Kanda! Fuck me!" Pulling is fingers out, Kanda grabbed Allen's hips hard enough to leave bruises as he aligned himself. The cursed teen screamed as he was slammed into, digging his nails into the man's shoulders. Lifting Allen up, Kanda laid back down with the smaller teen now straddling him. Shakily raising himself up, Allen dropped down hard, screaming as his prostate was hit.

"Holy fuck, Kanda! YES!" Scratching Kanda's sides hard enough to draw blood, Allen slammed himself down repeatedly, screaming every time his spot was hit. Feeling his orgasm about to come, Allen reached forward grabbing Kanda's hair and pulled.

"Hah, nh, Kanda. Say .. my name. Ah! Please! Ah, Kanda!"

"Ah, Allen! ALLEN!"

"YUU!" Collapsing onto Kanda's chest spent, Allen gasped as he was rolled onto his back.

"I'm not done with you yet, Allen. Not until you scream so loud everyone can hear you." Kanda whispered in his ear, nibbling on the lob. Drawing back, the samurai snapped his hips forward, pounding into the body under him as hard and fast as he could. Screaming in pleasure, Allen wrapped his legs around Kanda's waist as he felt himself harden again. Moaning and panting uncontrollable, Kanda wrapped one of his hands around the cursed teen's neck applying light pleasure. Fisting the older teen's hair harshly, Allen screamed at the top of his lungs as he came hard between them.

_"_**_YUU!"_ **The sensation of his hair being pulled and Allen tightening around him while screaming his name pushed Kanda over the edge as he cried out his own release.

"ALLEN!" Dropping on top of the smaller teen, Kanda pulled out as they both laid there trying to catch their breaths. Making their way to the bed, the two exorcists curled up next to each other, smiling contently as sleep claimed them. Well, more like smirking for Kanda, he finally got his horny Moyashi..

**-In the Science Department-**

Reever looked up from the paper work in front of him as he heard a scream.

"That sounded like Allen… but why would he be screaming Yuu? Ne, what do you think Komui? … Komui?"

Looking over at the supervisor, Reever saw him turn bright red and frantically work on the papers that covered his desk.

"I have no clue what you're talking about Reever! I swear! I know nothing!"

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><p><strong>Poor Komui. <strong>

**Haha Horny allen...  
><strong>


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